Sup guys. Again, I don't mean anything to offend anyone. If you've read my blog before, you can just skip this first little part right here. I vent a lot. Especially on here. Why? Because writing helps get all the s#!* out. I have a bad habit of doing stupid stuff as an alternative, but I am learning. So shove it. Warning: I have no filter. You've been warned. Continue reading at your own risk.
So, I have crap knees. There's literally next to nothing except a thin strip on muscle holding my knee cap to my femur, and another very thin strip of muscle holding my knee cap to my tibia. In both legs. I was crying last night because I was in so much pain, and I woke up two or three times this morning, again in tears, because of the pain. So my mother decides to pretend to be nice for once, and call my orthopedic surgeon and schedule and MRI for ONE KNEE (even though BOTH are giving me enormous problems), for the 24th of this month. Then...she decides I don't exist anymore, and she starts complaining and freaking out about my sisters health issues. Which is understandable. I am also terribly concerned and scared for my little sister. Yet that does not give my mother the right to just...make me disappear like I was never born.
She walks into my room (which i "share" with my sister) and says that I can't go to Youth Group tomorrow because my room isn't clean. WHO THE HECK CARES?! NO ONE. Question: how often do you clean your room? How messy is it before you decide to clean it
? is your "messy" different than your parent/guardians "messy"?
4 or 5 articles of clothing on the floor and my bed not being made is messy to me. To her, it's like the devil came in and decided my room was going to be his toilet. and he just "went" all over the place in my room. Yeah. BIG difference there.
Then, she starts saying how I am this disappointment because I didn't clean my room. What am I supposed to say to that? "I'm so sorry, mom. I'll force myself to walk around and clean and sanitize my entire room, for no reason. Oh, and because I am a disappointment, I'll call the hazardous material squad to have them come and double check for dust particles in the air. I hope you'll love me again. Night."
NOOOOOO! LIKE WHAT THE HECK?! SERIOUSLY? COME. ON! This is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. You would all understand if you lived with her.
And then, I realized something after she left. I realized, in that brief moment, that because of her and how she's treated me, that I will never be good enough, for anyone. Because she will always continue to trash talk me, and call me fat, and just be rude and miserable towards me because of her own insecurities. And then, when I am taking care of her because of the good person I am (even though she hates me), I'll never be able to convince a man that I am worth loving because of all the crap she says about.
I am busting my butt in my bio class. I can't make up classwork, (even if I had an EXCUSED ABSENCE) because my bio teacher says so. So therefore when I miss class time, I can't do the lab write ups because I wasn't there to do the lab. Therefore I get a 0 on every class work that I miss, and every write up that goes with it. And I tried explaining this to her, and she says "I don't care. Bring it up." But she doesn't notice my 77 in math (go read the post titled Math Go Solve Your Own Problems and you'll understand this), she doesn't notice my 87.64 in English, she completely ignores my 84 in Drivers Ed. Like...that's cool. You want to tear me down because I was sick and missed class and now have to ace every test and my final exam just to make it around a B- for a final grade? That's cool. You can be that guy. Whatever.
So done with this bull. Ugh.
Peace out.
No comments:
Post a Comment