Here We Go Again

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, guys. Things have been really up and down lately. And I haven't had a lot of time to write anything.

Am I the only one that noticed the six bruises on my legs? Am I the only one who is concerned that they've been there for a few weeks and haven't gone away nor do I know where they came from?

Yes?

The only one?


Okay. I see.

Thanks.

Well then...that was..umm...interesting.

Hey guys. No disclaimer this time.

Okay..so, my birthday is Monday...and my mom decided to throw me a surprise party today...so..um....yeah.

This Is Ridiculous.

Okay. Disclaimer. Blah blah blah. I apologize in advance for any possible offense from this post. If I happen to accidentally offend you, I'm sorry. Therefore it is no longer my fault if you are offended. Boom. Okay. Disclaimer. Swerve.

Okay. So...I come home around 12:30 this afternoon from my last exam, and my mom was all cool like whatever and hugged me cause I was crying about my friend. So..she was in a good mood. She comes home after work, you know, still in a good mood. Cool. And AS SOON AS SOMETHING GOES WRONG, like my sister (S) gets mad or wants something she can't have, my mother magically disappears and I am the ONLY ONE left to deal with S. And I hate it. Because I shouldn't be the one she calls "mommy" by accident and says "sorry sissy".  I shouldn't have to be the one to restrain her on the ground for an hour. I shouldn't have to be the bad guy all the time. I'm her SISTER. NOT her mother. For almost 7 years I have been the bad guy. No one wants to be the bad guy for that long.

This is just ridiculous.

F***ing Ridiculous.

I apologize about the vulgarity in the title of this post...but honestly, people. Today has just been absolutely ridiculous. Disclaimer. I do not intend to offend anyone, but if you are offended (by what, I don't know), it's no longer my fault. (:

Okay. So, I wake up this morning...ready to throw up. I felt (and still do feel) like complete crap. So, naturally, I told my mom this (bad idea). She told me to get up anyways. And that I was going to school and I didn't have a choice. So...she was grumpy toward me all morning...I get to school, go through the day, get an "Outstanding Art Achievement Award" from school during the awards assembly. Blah blah blah. Boring boring boring.

Soo....my moms bf...lets call him......no. We won't nickname him. He's just....horrible. Ugh. A different story for a different blog post. Anyways...

So, he picks me up from school at like 3:15. Which is an hour EARLIER than my mom usually picks me up in the bus. So I sat in the car waiting for an hour. When she gets in..she asks how I am feeling. Doesn't even LISTEN to my reply, and starts yelling at the foster child (he's 12) that lives with us because he got sent home from school early, and no one was home.

yeah. I don't remember where I was going with this post. I tried to post this, but blogger wouldn't let me for whatever reason.

Chris.

Okay. So...today was my last day of school. Finished my exams up around noon. And I went upstairs to my Spanish teachers room....and I cried. Umm...sorry I haven't posted in a while, but blogger hasn't been letting me post stuff for whatever reason. So..let's get started shall we?

So yesterday my school did two of four exam sessions. And my best friend Chris was there to do his, and for graduation rehearsal. And I wasn't. And he didn't come to school today because he didn't have any more exams...but I did. And he left me this picture printed out and matted.

He's my best friend. When M or M's boyfriend hurt me, or J was being a douche, or someone just....decided it was a good day to get under my skin and bother me...he was there to hug me and make me laugh. I can't stand the thought of not seeing him everyday. I have lost my best friend as of today, and I hate it. I hate it so much. I won't ever see him again. The chances are next to impossible. And it sucks losing someone that you are so close to. 

I was so numb, and broken, and just...spiraling out of control and down into a very deep, dark hole. And then he comes along, and just...stops it all. I was such a mess. Just...completely unwilling to let any one in and see what was going on, or that I was dead to the world and I didn't want to care anymore. And I didn't realize it till now, but he woke me up. He made me feel like i was important, and that I was cared about. I feel like I creeped him out when I told him how much his gift meant to me. But you know, it means so much more than anything I could ever say.

Goodbye's are hard, and painful, but the worst ones are the ones you never get the chance to say. The last hugs are the most difficult to let go of, but the most painful ones are the ones you never get to have. It hurts to imagine the mornings and afternoons with out him. Without laughing...without joy...without my friend. Losing a best friend is something that you can't really imagine until it happens. In the 7th grade, my sister K moved to Florida. And we cried on her last day at school. We hugged for what felt like forever and cried and cried. I didn't see her again until this past summer (2012) when she came up for a wedding. That's a 3 year difference. With her, it wasn't as difficult; there was closure. The last hug. The final goodbye. 

......

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Bye guys.