Chris.

Okay. So...today was my last day of school. Finished my exams up around noon. And I went upstairs to my Spanish teachers room....and I cried. Umm...sorry I haven't posted in a while, but blogger hasn't been letting me post stuff for whatever reason. So..let's get started shall we?

So yesterday my school did two of four exam sessions. And my best friend Chris was there to do his, and for graduation rehearsal. And I wasn't. And he didn't come to school today because he didn't have any more exams...but I did. And he left me this picture printed out and matted.

He's my best friend. When M or M's boyfriend hurt me, or J was being a douche, or someone just....decided it was a good day to get under my skin and bother me...he was there to hug me and make me laugh. I can't stand the thought of not seeing him everyday. I have lost my best friend as of today, and I hate it. I hate it so much. I won't ever see him again. The chances are next to impossible. And it sucks losing someone that you are so close to. 

I was so numb, and broken, and just...spiraling out of control and down into a very deep, dark hole. And then he comes along, and just...stops it all. I was such a mess. Just...completely unwilling to let any one in and see what was going on, or that I was dead to the world and I didn't want to care anymore. And I didn't realize it till now, but he woke me up. He made me feel like i was important, and that I was cared about. I feel like I creeped him out when I told him how much his gift meant to me. But you know, it means so much more than anything I could ever say.

Goodbye's are hard, and painful, but the worst ones are the ones you never get the chance to say. The last hugs are the most difficult to let go of, but the most painful ones are the ones you never get to have. It hurts to imagine the mornings and afternoons with out him. Without laughing...without joy...without my friend. Losing a best friend is something that you can't really imagine until it happens. In the 7th grade, my sister K moved to Florida. And we cried on her last day at school. We hugged for what felt like forever and cried and cried. I didn't see her again until this past summer (2012) when she came up for a wedding. That's a 3 year difference. With her, it wasn't as difficult; there was closure. The last hug. The final goodbye. 

......

I don't know. I'm sorry.

Bye guys.