People Just Don't Understand

Hi.

I am half tempted to go take the remaining 10 narcotic painkillers in my medicine cabinet because I am just fed up and tired of life beating the sh*t out of me and dragging me down. Now, you may think "Oh, she won't do it. She isn't sad enough." or "She wouldn't dare." or "She's better than that."
You know what?
Shove it.
Because you DONT know, and you DONT understand.
No, I am not going to, because I don't want to.
That's what people don't understand.
People who commit suicide or attempt it, ACTUALLY want to leave this horrid place. They don't want to die, they just know that if they take all these pills, tie a loop in this rope, cut up their arms instead of across them, they won't have to be here. They can leave. If losing their life is the price of being able to escape all of these horrible, wretched, unbearably evil and cold-hearted people, then  so be it. Let it happen.
Sometimes I wonder if the cold-hearted people SEE how cold-hearted they really are.
If they do, why do they treat others so poorly?
If they don't, how come?
Gosh.
Sometime, I just get so fed up with it, I hide.
I hide in my room.
I hide in books.
I hide in school.
I hide in my homework.
I hide in studying for a test.
I hide at work.
I hide.
Everywhere.
All the time.
Why?
I don't know.
I am tired of people. I am tired of being around them. I am tired of hearing about them. I am tired of being told that I need to be around them; I need to be friends with them; I have to socialize with them. When does common sense come in? The common sense of not wanting to be around somebody or a group of people because they treat you poorly and you have enough common sense to know that you DO NOT deserve to be treated that way and WILL NOT sit around and let people treat you in such a manner. When does that come into the picture? When do I get to explain myself? Why do I even HAVE to explain myself?
I just don't get it.
I am tired of trying to understand.
I am tired.

People just don't understand that there is way more going on in someone else's life and in their head than what they see or hear.

-J

False Standards.

This is a short story I wrote today in my spare time during my AP English class. Comments?
I will also explain it after I write the whole thing out. Again. So I can share it with you all. <3



There once was a girl who lived in a small village. The village, much like the girl, was considered average. A general store, a few houses around the outside, a jail that was always too full, and a bank that never had enough.

     This girl looked like the average 17-year-old female today. She was 'thicke', but lean; she was just as tall as her male friends. Although she may have seemed to look slightly unattractive and plain, upon closer examination, she was indubitably radiant. Her cheek bones stood boldly under her eyes, yet were rounded and smooth. Her nose protruding only slightly from the center of her face. She had eyes like the ocean, almost as if someone had taken water from the deepest, darkest parts of the ocean and poured it into her irises.

    Her figure smooth, with curves like a slow moving stream. While some may consider her waist "unfitting" for a young woman, their image of a 'woman' is poisoned. The image is derived from a piece of plastic. Inanimate. Fake. Dead. Something created and defined by numbers and measurements that are appealing, not physically possibly.

This girl, radiant and beautiful, stands alone and secluded by the people in her own village. Ugly words and distasteful glances fly like flaming arrows; connecting with the flesh like an aggravated wasp defending itself. This girl with ocean eyes and gold skin, feels and sees and hears nothing but the flaming arrows of the archers aiming at her from their dark and lonely holes deep inside the earth. This girl knows nothing of who she is or what she wants because she's never heard of such outlandish concepts! Being an individual in this village is a crime. A crime punishable by something much worse than death: isolation.

    This girl stands alone. Waiting to hear of something greater. Looking for some kind of emotional connection with another human being. Listening for the signal to leap off the ground and fly.

This girl is blind. She is deaf. She is mute. This girls is her village. Destined to become nothing more than the dirt of that she stands upon. Told nothing but the truth of a deceitful tongue, and taught only ignorance of all feeling and emotion.
This girl is here.
This girl is me.

***

Okay. So...it's deep right? I don't know. I thought it came out well. 

We've been reading a lot of formal literature. Anti Parenthetical and rhetoric style and tone. 

Reading things analytically and learning to write formally in non-fiction. 

This is non-fiction. Based on my own personal experiences with self-image issues, eating disorders, and self-harm. Mostly with  self-image because I still have a HUGE problem with my self-image. 

It's written in a third person point of view. But the speaker is also subject (the girl) and the narrator. 

It's supposed to give you the image of this beautiful girl. And how you would see her as she physically appears. And then, it shows you how her village (society today) sees her and what they tell her. Then, towards the end, it's supposed to demonstrate how she sees herself. She's blind because she can't see herself unbiased and impure. She doesn't have the physical brain power to see herself as she physically appears. She is deaf because she hears nothing but the same sound. background noise. Silence. It's the same thing. All the time. 24/7. She is mute because she has never been offered the opportunity to speak for herself. To defend herself and reveal her emotions. She has this fake impression of what she is and how she looks because of things people have said to her and taught her and demonstrated through their own actions. While these people are hiding in their own holes. Their own self-image issues and self-hatred and personal secrets that make them feel like they are nothing more than dirt they walk on. It's a imagery piece intended to illustrate the issue with stereo-typing the female image and the false standards we as young girls are held to. 

okay. Rant done.

Thanks guys.(: