People Just Don't Understand

Hi.

I am half tempted to go take the remaining 10 narcotic painkillers in my medicine cabinet because I am just fed up and tired of life beating the sh*t out of me and dragging me down. Now, you may think "Oh, she won't do it. She isn't sad enough." or "She wouldn't dare." or "She's better than that."
You know what?
Shove it.
Because you DONT know, and you DONT understand.
No, I am not going to, because I don't want to.
That's what people don't understand.
People who commit suicide or attempt it, ACTUALLY want to leave this horrid place. They don't want to die, they just know that if they take all these pills, tie a loop in this rope, cut up their arms instead of across them, they won't have to be here. They can leave. If losing their life is the price of being able to escape all of these horrible, wretched, unbearably evil and cold-hearted people, then  so be it. Let it happen.
Sometimes I wonder if the cold-hearted people SEE how cold-hearted they really are.
If they do, why do they treat others so poorly?
If they don't, how come?
Gosh.
Sometime, I just get so fed up with it, I hide.
I hide in my room.
I hide in books.
I hide in school.
I hide in my homework.
I hide in studying for a test.
I hide at work.
I hide.
Everywhere.
All the time.
Why?
I don't know.
I am tired of people. I am tired of being around them. I am tired of hearing about them. I am tired of being told that I need to be around them; I need to be friends with them; I have to socialize with them. When does common sense come in? The common sense of not wanting to be around somebody or a group of people because they treat you poorly and you have enough common sense to know that you DO NOT deserve to be treated that way and WILL NOT sit around and let people treat you in such a manner. When does that come into the picture? When do I get to explain myself? Why do I even HAVE to explain myself?
I just don't get it.
I am tired of trying to understand.
I am tired.

People just don't understand that there is way more going on in someone else's life and in their head than what they see or hear.

-J