So....let's call him J. Okay? J. So...J and I have been super close best friends for several years. And...this past Valentines Day, he gave me a BEAUTIFUL necklace. And we started sort-of/kind-of courting and then, a few months after that, we started dating. And it was wonderful. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met in my life. And we've been through a lot of crap together. We have such similar backgrounds and come from almost identical home lives. It's just...it's weird but it's amazingly wonderful. And then..I was stupid and got scared. If you know me well, you know I have horrible communication skills (if any).
We broke up (because of me, obviously), and we stopped talking. I stopped wearing the necklace he gave me. But I always took it with me wherever I went. Then, I decided one day, that I wanted to be close to him again. I missed him. So I started wearing it again. And I tried to talk to him a million times. And he avoided me. So, I became aggressively assertive and told him that we were going to talk whether he liked it or not. And we did. We talked out pretty much everything.
And we were best friends again. Playing board games, hanging out every possible day we could. It was good. And then..we started dating again. We dated for almost two months. And it was perfect. We were communicating (I thought), and we were doing what we were supposed to in the youth group as leaders. No PDA (public displays of affection); we were going strong. And then...my ex boy friend; we'll call him Pt. Pt came to youth group one night after J and I had just abruptly ended a heated discussion on our responsibilities versus our relationship and which came first. And Pt and I were talking with me and some of my other friends. We were just hanging out. Casual conversation, catching up. You know, talking like family. innocent conversation. So, J sees this, and gets upset. Not much I can do. I didn't invite Pt to youth group, and I'm not going to ignore him just because J is insecure. Not going to happen.
Then, Pt wanted to come back to my house to talk with my mom and such, and catch up with the rest of the family. Nothing I could really do about that. So the three of us went back to my house. Pt ended up staying the night because he couldn't go home. And J decided he was going to lie to me, go through my phone, accuse me of cheating, and then try and guilt me into telling him we'd stay together beyond high school. Well, me being me, I over reacted. I was mad, and I had a right to be. He violated my privacy. I didn't and still have nothing to hide from him. It was just really disrespectful and uncalled for. And so...after thinking about it for a week and a half, I decided we needed a break. Because we had lost our identities as individuals. And I desperately needed to find mine.
So...it's been about a month since that whole thing ended.I obviously stopped wearing that necklace. I had buried it somewhere in my room and i forgot where it was. I didn't care that I had forgotten about it because it didn't matter. It holds too many memories that I could not handle.
As I was cleaning my room this evening, though, I found it. I found the necklace. I just....I picked it up. And now it is sitting in my hands, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what I want to do. Much less what I should do. I am at a loss. I have been swallowed by this whirl pool of emotions and memories all tied into one little heart shaped necklace. I don't know whether I should wear it, to show him that I want to be friends again. Or if I should just put it away and leave it to rest. Any ideas?
-Sincerely,
Me.
Well, C, you are in a difficult situation, with a difficult person. I want to start by saying that both you and J are wonderful people, thought not without flaws of your own, but hey, we're people, what can you do. I would like to start out by saying first and foremost, that relationships are not easy. You will face many difficult challenges. I know I have. In fact, I had a situation very similar to yours where my then girlfriend went on my Facebook, read my messages, and deleted one because it was about her, and then logged on to her account and confronted the person about it. Probably the only thing I care more about than my privacy, is my freedom, which there is not really a difference between the two.
ReplyDeleteYou have a strong personality. If your personality were an actual person, it would probably beat some people over the head. J has the exact same personality. I have the exact same personality. We all have a tendency to want something, and are unwilling to negotiate to get it. We form opinions and believe them to be the way things should be. We're very difficult people to talk to, and usually have a hard time trusting people. Which in reality should make us the most trustworthy people out there.
I don't know this PT guy, so I won't even speculate on him, but as far as the youth group situation is concerned, in my humble opinion, you could have handled better. You didn't have to bring PT home with you. You were in total control of the situation, as it is your house. But once you made your decision, wrong or right, it doesn't matter, once you make it, it turns into the right one, it is J who fouled up. There is no reason for anyone to go through anyone else's phone. Even if you find solid proof of a wrong doing, there is still no warrant to do so, because you did it under false pretenses. Again, in my opinion, J should have confronted you about his misgivings after PT left.
Overall, relationships must be flexible. Never rush into anything. When dealing with relationships, always go to bed before making a big decision such as marriage, sex, a breakup, or anything. If your mad, don't make big decisions. It's ok to go to he'd mad at each other. You'll wake up with a clearer head and the ability to make clean decisions now that you're out of the heat of the moment. People always say take it slow for a reason, because if you go too fast with anything, you will do things that can't be undone. While you may have felt that you were wronged beyond repair, clearly you think differently now. The best thing to do is to talk to him. In fact, show him this blog you made, so he can see into your mind. Good people make bad decisions, and Birgit you are good people. Damn fine people. You just are human, and made some mistakes. No mistake is irreversible. Unless it results in death, in which case that person is gone. But unless someone is killed, you can always atone for your mistakes.
Keep your head up, your eyes open, and your lips smiling. That way you don't get hit by cars, and people always smile back. :)